Posted on June 15, 2012

Psychological violence has devastating effects on the efficiency of enterprises. They are characterized by continuous manifestations of hostile, verbal or non-verbal behavior, excluding physical contact.

These included personal insult, threats and other sneaky forms of intimidation, dissimulation – in the form of jokes – vexatious remarks, humiliation in public, treating people as invisible ….

These wickedness are exercised mostly from the hierarchy to the subordinates and less frequently among colleagues. Indeed, differences in power, besides promoting the arrogance of the strongest, are terrible fertilizers of wickedness and lead to equally negative behavior at other levels of the enterprise. It has been demonstrated that employees who work for contemptuous bosses steal their business for revenge.

The results of the 360 ​​° tests have repeatedly highlighted the fact that nearly all human beings live with an often embellished idea of ​​the impact they have on others. Moral insensitivity, alexithymia, are aggravating factors, and it often happens that people who are exposed to these aggravating factors quickly begin to behave as detestably as they do.

Studies have shown that individuals who appear antipathetic and cold and who know how to handle anger and blame (shouts, sneering expressions, gesticulations, etc.) are perceived as competent and thus get to climb up the hierarchy by walking on others.

Finally, human nature tends to consider people who make negative and malicious criticisms, as less sympathetic, but smarter and more competent than people who would express the same but more moderately.

Exposure to wickedness often arouses fear and “when fear shows its ugly nose, people strive to protect themselves, not helping companies to progress” (W. Edwards Deming).

These findings demonstrate the challenge for the company to teach all its members to practice constructive confrontation.This process of high-energy communication leads participants to a richer and more effective collaboration than one that leaves too much room for fear. We recognize constructive enterprises in their ability to align their beautiful values ​​of passion, commitment, identification with behaviors that lead people at all levels to treat others with dignity and respect. In companies that do not master constructive confrontation, people often feel stuck in their jobs, bullied and humiliated. Their main goal is to earn a living by protecting their health and integrity. Nothing encourages them to do great things for patrons who treat them with condescension.

Finally, new information and communications technology do not help in the case because they expose, rather than direct contact, the groups at risk of conflict and loss of confidence (study of Pamela Hinds and Diane Bailey of Stanford University USA).

What is constructive confrontation?

While it is true that people in conflict are trying to resolve their differences, drawing on their specific experiences of the situation, it nevertheless appears that very often for lack of training in constructive confrontation, an insidious competition takes place between them. The more the exchanges move forward, the more we realize that each protagonist seeks to demonstrate that his personal experience is more valid than that of his interlocutors. Over time, this sneaky competition grew and ended up occupying the whole field of discussion. This overflow considerably reduces the likelihood of a constructive resolution of the conflict when it does not further aggravate the initial situation. If you live as a couple, this catastrophic scenario may remind you of something lived! If, like me, You consider that cooperation is a relationship in which each of the protagonists must also feel responsible for the success of the current process, then you will admit that any attempt to invalidate the experience of others seriously compromises your chances of success. For example, if your client’s argument forces you to abandon your point of view and rally to your own experience, you will then feel less involved in the decisions that you would take together. If, moreover, this person is your manager and if he is in the habit of always having the “good experience”, then you will soon give up to engage in a collaboration where you have strong “Chances” of losing out.

How can we exchange our experiences and draw the necessary lessons for a lasting resolution of differences of opinion, conflict situations or other divergences ?

To answer this question, it is necessary to return to the definition of an experiment. Experience is the permanent product of the process (I-here-now). The experience begins with the consciousness of the phenomena that unfold around the present moment. What affects you “here and now” influences your thoughts, directs your aspirations, shapes your feelings, focuses the field of your observations. Thus, the most effective way to exchange your experiences is to talk about all the aspects that make up your observations, your feelings, your thoughts, your aspirations. In other words, “I speak of my reality here and now”. The only objective part of your experience is the observation of current facts. All the rest (feelings, aspirations, interpretations, Thoughts) is subjective and none of the subject subjectivities can claim supremacy. At the risk of provoking great moments of solitude, remember that what constitutes “your reality” is not “reality” and that your experience is only valid for yourself. The first condition of a constructive dialogue is therefore to accept that others can feel, think, want differently from you. Learning from the experience of others does not consist in having the same experience, but in understanding and recognizing the valid existence of multiple realities. In other words, there are as many “here and now” as “I,” and it is best to remember them whenever communication becomes difficult. The control of this posture requires some training. At the risk of provoking great moments of solitude, remember that what constitutes “your reality” is not “reality” and that your experience is only valid for yourself. The first condition of a constructive dialogue is therefore to accept that others can feel, think, want differently from you. Learning from the experience of others does not consist in having the same experience, but in understanding and recognizing the valid existence of multiple realities. In other words, there are as many “here and now” as “I,” and it is best to remember them whenever communication becomes difficult. The control of this posture requires some training. At the risk of provoking great moments of solitude, remember that what constitutes “your reality” is not “reality” and that your experience is only valid for yourself. The first condition of a constructive dialogue is therefore to accept that others can feel, think, want differently from you. Learning from the experience of others does not consist in having the same experience, but in understanding and recognizing the valid existence of multiple realities. In other words, there are as many “here and now” as “I,” and it is best to remember them whenever communication becomes difficult. The control of this posture requires some training. Remember that what constitutes “your reality” is not “reality” and that your experience is only valid for yourself. The first condition of a constructive dialogue is therefore to accept that others can feel, think, want differently from you. Learning from the experience of others does not consist in having the same experience, but in understanding and recognizing the valid existence of multiple realities. In other words, there are as many “here and now” as “I,” and it is best to remember them whenever communication becomes difficult. The control of this posture requires some training. Remember that what constitutes “your reality” is not “reality” and that your experience is only valid for yourself. The first condition of a constructive dialogue is therefore to accept that others can feel, think, want differently from you. Learning from the experience of others does not consist in having the same experience, but in understanding and recognizing the valid existence of multiple realities. In other words, there are as many “here and now” as “I,” and it is best to remember them whenever communication becomes difficult. The control of this posture requires some training. Learning from the experience of others does not consist in having the same experience, but in understanding and recognizing the valid existence of multiple realities. In other words, there are as many “here and now” as “I,” and it is best to remember them whenever communication becomes difficult. The control of this posture requires some training. Learning from the experience of others does not consist in having the same experience, but in understanding and recognizing the valid existence of multiple realities. In other words, there are as many “here and now” as “I,” and it is best to remember them whenever communication becomes difficult. The control of this posture requires some training.

The dialogue technique – which consists of repeating the speaker’s remarks before giving your point of view – proposes an excellent implementation of the principles described above. It is a form of exchange that promotes the co-creation of consensual solutions that are richer and more mobilizing. But be careful, everything you do not say will be inevitably completed by your interlocutor according to his convenience … And reciprocally. We are thus made, we human beings. We can not help but make sense. Therefore, in order not to risk a “misunderstanding” and to better control your impact on others, it is better to be heard with precision.

Inalienable competitive advantage

Learning constructive confrontation at all levels of the company is to ensure that the ideas of the working groups will be better, more numerous, more rapidly produced and executed than those of your untrained competitors.

Ref:

Target Zero sale con – Robert Sutton -Vuibert 2007

Manager of elite – Dino Ragazzo – 2010